It Has Been A While ...

I have been going to college!!  Yay!  Well, I am not going to college, it is coming to me via the internet.  I take two distance learning classes.  Still trying to overcome my anxiety.  But, I finally discovered what it is that I want to do with my life.  I am studying to become a neuropsychologist.  Our brains are fascinating, resilient, and so intricate.  We have the most marvelous computer running our bodies.  I want to know so much now.  After my father's passing from Alzheimer's-related illness, I am curious to find out more.  What caused his Alzheimer's?  Did his war injury from the Korean conflict contribute to it?  Did his war injury result in his pituitary tumor?  How does injury affect the brain?  Did the metal plate replacing his skull seep anything into his brain?  I asked my mom if she had his medical records and she doesn't have his records from Korea.  I would be interested to study his records to see what the doctors saw.  I am interested in finding out if any of his brain was removed due to injury.  In Korea, at the M*A*S*H* unit he was left as last because they expected him to die.  That is the reality of war.  The tv show had them take the worst cases first, but in reality, they took the ones that they were sure that they could save and the ambulatory patients.  My father had had a grenade blow up in his back.  It took a chunk out of his back and head.  He didn't have some of his skull or the inner workings of his right ear.  I don't know how long his recovery was, but he was in Tokyo for a while and then sent home to Utah to recover.  He said that he had to relearn how to walk and talk.  He also said that they put a sign around his neck that he was a war veteran, not a drunk.  So I imagine he didn't walk very well at that time.  All of this happened when he was 17-18 years old.  My dad loved the military and all that it entailed.  He was a very special, intelligent man and I wonder now that I know what our brains are like, how much more could he have done if he had never been injured?

Wash Woman and Telephone Escapades

Today Pam started college.  She went to class and then had to go to work.  We spoke briefly when she was driving to work.  We had to hang up when she got there because the reception at House 1 is extremely poor.  After she had been at work 15 or so minutes, I got a call from her phone.  I thought that was odd because of the reception issues.  When I answered the phone, there was nothing but incredible static.  Barely under the static, I could hear Pam but could not understand what she was saying.  So here I am, practically shouting into the phone, "Pam!  Pam!  What's wrong?!"  I finally got the idea to hang up and call the land line.  Every time I tried, I was still getting Pam's cell.  Ugghh!  Of course, now I am having anxiety because I automatically switch into catastrophic thinking.  So now I am feeling hysteria creep up on me.  "Pam!  Pam!  PAM!!"  Nothing.  I tried calling the land line again and got through.  Pam answers just as regular and professional as can be.  I was a wreck.  Her pocket called me.  Arghh!  So we took care of that problem.  Or so I thought.  

Not even 15 minutes later I got another call from her cell.   She then took it out of her pocket and put it on the table.  Okay problem solved.  Nope!  About 10 minutes ago, the damn thing called again!!  Apparently the phone got an update and somehow that triggered it to call.  Hopefully we won't have any more problems.  Gee whiz!!

My classes start tomorrow.  I am a little nervous about going to college.  I want to do well, but I don't know exactly what to expect.  I just don't want to fail.  :S

I have spent the better part of this evening catching up on laundry.  I finally have the last load in the wash (towels).  Yippee!!  I did something I don't usually do tonight.  I got Matthew to give me some of his laundry and did it for him.  I don't want to start a trend, but dang it!, he's been walking around in those clothes for I don't know how long without washing a stitch!  I have reminded him to wash his clothes many times and he always says he will.  I don't know if this is a "guy thing" or what.  I taught him how to do his laundry.  We may have let things pile up when he was growing up.  We never wore dirty clothes.  We just had a lot of clothes.  Back then, laundry day was hell.  Now that we have a washer and dryer in the apartment, it is so much easier to keep up with it.  I just wish that Matthew were more enthusiastic about washing his clothes.  >.<

I want to make some black beans in a few days and was looking for some Caribbean recipes.  I have the dry beans that you have to soak because I like making them from scratch.  All the recipes that I've found so far (and there weren't that many) have canned beans in them.  Ugh!  I get frustrated looking things up on the internet.  I don't know how people find things because I always have a hard time.  Maybe I need an Internet for Dummies book.  =0)

 

I Love My Mom

I got to speak with my mom today!  I love talking to her so much.  We are the best of friends.  I treasure every moment I get with her.  Hearing her laughter warms my soul.  I am here in Sacramento, California, and she is all the way across the country in Goldsboro, Maryland.  Being so far away is very hard.  I miss her so much.  She is the best mom in the world.  I am so blessed.  Right now Matthew is speaking with her.  They have a special relationship.  He is the first grandchild.  I call him the golden child.  Some of the things he says to her can really curl my hair.  But she just takes him as he is and he is so comfortable with their relationship, it is precious to see.  Mom always sends him cards throughout the year ... all the holidays.  There is also a little gift in those cards that he gets so happy over.  She had said that when he was eighteen they would stop coming.  He is now 27 and is still getting those cards.  Funny.

Pam and I put together a stock with pork drippings and smoked turkey wing.  We are soaking a package of pinto beans in water.  Once the stock is ready, we'll put the beans in and cut some vegetables to go along with it.  I am so looking forward to it.  The navy beans we had this week showed us their benefits.  They were low in calories and HIGH in fiber.  They tasted sooo good and my body was very happy to receive them.  We are already planning next week's offerings.  We're going to make kidney beans and have chili!!  Yeehaw!!

I have been reading the Chronicles of Narnia.   Pam's co-worker was giving her mother's collection of books away (she'd already tried a yard sale).  Pam got three boxes of books!!  One was a boxed set of the Chronicles of Narnia.  I hadn't done a lot of reading lately, but these books seemed small enough to tackle.  I am in the middle of the fourth book now (Prince Caspian).  I cannot believe how quickly I have been devouring these books.  Wow!  Very enjoyable.

Matthew came home from work on Friday, furious.  Apparently his supervisor was fired.  Matthew was adamant that there was no real reason for the event.  He was so angry, he said that he was going to start looking for work as a security guard as soon as his guard card gets here.  Then he asked if anyone had checked the mail that day.  We hadn't, so he went out to do it.  When he came back in, he had the envelope from BSIS (the guard card)!!  Whaddya know?  I guess in order to get what you need from the snail mail all you have to do is be angry enough to spit nails and you'll get it!  At least that is the lesson I got from that situation.  What?  Are you saying I got it wrong?  Well it won't be the first time.  (Still think I might try that out the next time I'm looking for important mail.)

We are probably going to take a nap around 6pm and then try to stay up all night.  Got to get our days and nights turned around for one more week.  Pam is working the graveyard shift at J&J ResCare for one more week.  She is also going to school this week so her schedule is jam packed.  Ugh!!  At least it won't be for the whole semester, thank goodness!!  My classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but they are online.  Yay!!  So we are college students now ... girls gone mild!!  Tee hee!  I am actually pretty excited about the prospect of going to school.  I think I get that from my mom as well.  She always was going to classes at the senior center.  The one thing that disappoints her about the senior center she's going to now, is the lack of classes.  Apparently you have to have 10 members who are willing to sign up and attend and they haven't had that yet.  I told mom to get familiar with the center and the seniors and drum up some folks who are willing to participate.  She has the ability to do it.  She just kind of laughed, but said that is what she was thinking.  Great minds think alike, I always say.  

A Bit of Traveling Music Please

Pam and I took Matthew to work this morning.  We decided to go to the gym afterward so we went dressed for it.  We usually start off on the machines and then spend an hour in the pool.  The last time at the gym, I was on the bicycle for 10 minutes and then an hour in the pool and ten minutes in the hot tub.  So I was looking forward to getting a good work out this morning.  I spent 14 minutes on the bicycle and Pam worked the machines.  Then we went to the pool.  Oops!  There was a sign stating that the pool was closed between 7am-10am for cleaning.  Dammit!  It was only 7:40am.  We had to come up with another plan.  

Pam needed to get a form regarding her ADHD that her doctor left for her at member services (Kaiser).  So off we went to Kaiser.  I went in with Pam so I could get my walk on.  After member services, we had to go to the Pharmacy to get a copy of the type of medication she is on.  Then we went to Sierra College to submit the forms at the DSPS counter.  Another bunch of walking, yay!  Instead of taking the forms, the clerk gave Pam an appointment with one of the counselors.  The earliest appointment they could give her was the first week of February.  When she had gone to DSPS a few months ago, they only told her to get the form filled out by her doctor.  No one mentioned that she had to be seen by a counselor.  Oh well, at least we got a lot of walking done.

By the time we had finished all this, it was about 9:30 am.  So we decided to go back to the gym.  We got there a little before 10am.  I was starting to feel anxious because there were no parking spaces available (which means probably a full house .... AAAAAaahhhhhhhhhh!  People!  Yikes!!).  I get anxious around a lot of humanity, so Pam checked it out.  She came back to the car and told me it was a full house.  All three swim lanes were full and the locker room was full of senior ladies getting ready for water aerobics.  We ended up just going home.  At least we got a great deal of walking in.  : ) 

Day Two, Me and You

I decided fuchsia would be a nice color.  Pam is off to work and Matthew (our youngest son) has gone to bed.  Top Chef Masters is recording on the DVR.  I decided to put on one of my recorded programs.  Pam and I like to watch "our shows" together so now Dateline NBC is playing.  Ugh!  It's a rerun ... delete!  Next up, Iron Chef!


I danced around a little before Top Chef took over the television.  Trying to beef up my calorie burn.  Then ate a veggie tray, light string cheese and some mult-grain toast.  Yeah it's midnight, but this is my breakfast time.  


I took a little break from the blog and started a stock for some navy beans.  I used three ham shanks and the bone from our last ham.  I just covered it with water in our largest crock pot and started soaking the beans.  I also peeled a couple onions, diced a few turnips, some baby carrots and celery to add later.  The vegetables are in water so they don't dry out or turn colors.  I don't know why, but I felt like having beans.


It reminds me of my childhood.  My mother used to make some killer meals.  She really knew how to stretch a dollar.  We were an Army family when being in the military really wasn't the highest paying job.  I didn't realize it until I was an adult.  My mother was really amazing.  I so want to be like her.  She knew how to make a little seem like a lot.  We had a lot of fun as a family.  We did things on base that were cheaper than civilian.  On Sundays we usually went on a family drive and explored different areas.  Going hiking usually.  It was a way for us to be close.  Some nights we would play board games or Michigan rummy.  My dad taught me cribbage because I hounded him so much.  I would spend hours watching mom and dad play it.  I always wanted to do what they did.  Dad was a coffee hound too.  He used to have a little coffee with his cream and sugar.  I'd sit on his lap and would get him to give me the last of his cup which was usually just a mound of warm sugar.  I loved it.  My dad had a hearing aid with the amplifier, a little box that he had in his shirt pocket.  I used to whisper into his pocket that I loved him.  He was my hero when I was a little girl.


My dad passed away in August.  He had Alzheimer's.  My mom and dad were living with my sister and her family.  My mom needed help with dad and it was hard living on their own.  Besides everything else, the house was just falling apart.  Dad had really kept the Alzheimer's at bay for a good while because he would keep his mind active -- mostly with crossword puzzles and going to class at the senior center.  He and mom led a very active lifestyle.  Then the last few years Alzheimer's really got the better of him and he struggled.  His health took a downturn and he really was not enjoying life at all.  We used to play rummy all the time and while living with Fran (my sister), they played often.   The last days for him, he couldn't "get it" anymore, even with card playing.   I know that that is not how he'd like to live.  He was proud of his intellect.  Alzheimer's is a wicked, cruel disease.

At his funeral, there were a lot of his friends, family and church family.  It was perhaps one of the happiest funerals I've ever been to.  Many people had fond, fond memories of dad.  A lot of happy anecdotes.  It was a lovely service.  A few days after the service, they had dad's interment at the military cemetery.  There was a military service for him and it was so moving.  We were all in tears.  Not because we were sad, but because dad so loved being in the service that we all knew this was what he wanted.  And that he was home.  Matthew had asked mom if he could have some of dad's ashes to take with him.  They got him a little urn and now dad sits on our entertainment center watching over us all. 

January 19, 2011 My First Blog

I am pretty excited about creating a blog.  I have not gone into the writing foray for quite some time.  I have been so "out of it" for so long.  I feel as if I am rising from the dead.  That is what chronic illness and mental illness had done to me.  I take  responsibility for allowing it to go there.  I was a willing participant as you will, but no more!!  My illnesses and apathy created more problems for myself.  On November 17, 2010, I weighed in at 24 Hour Fitness ... 407 pounds.  I was not surprised.  My lethargy had me barely moving day-to-day.  Now the phrase if you don't use it you lose it, is true.  I felt like I had no brain function.  I would reminisce about my mental ability as if pondering a long-lost friend.  My world consisted of cable tv and the internet.  Also I went on once a week shopping trips (at stores where I could use the mechanized cart) and sleep.  My partner, Pam, is also my caregiver.  She cooks the food, does the laundry, housecleaning, etc., etc. and holds a second full-time job.   I am on SS disability.  I have a condition called Hidradenitis Suppurativa.  It is basically deformed sweat glands.  There is no cure, only treatment.  I have Remicaid infusions once a month.  Remicaid is a God-send for me.  Before the treatments, I was in bed 20-22 hours a day.  When the sweat glands are deformed, the sweat (that we all do) cannot exit the body so it festers and causes cysts and boils.  If it cannot get out one way, it tunnels until it finds an exit.  It also finds the most delicate places in your body to manifest.  I was a horrible sight.  Through the Remicaid, I have less active sores and a lot of scarring.  Another sister-disease is lymphedema.  This is where your tissue fills with fluid but your body cannot drain it properly.  I have a lump on the inside of my right thigh that weighs about 6 pounds.  I know what it weighs because it is the same size as the last lump that was removed from the very same place two years ago.  : S

On top of all that I have Type II Diabetes, Hypo-thyroidism, High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, Bi-Polar Disorder, PTSD and Anxiety w/Panic Attacks.  (And a partridge in a pear tree!)  I'm telling you, sometimes I don't know whether to scratch my watch, or wind my butt!!!  I take a myriad of medications and I am saying all of this because I am sick of having a sickly attitude.  I am done with it all.  No more need for the wah-mbulance!!
 
I said that Pam and I went to 24 Hour Fitness.  What a wake up call.  We both got BodyBuggs.  They are nifty armbands that record your calorie burn and steps throughout the day.  You plug it in to the program and find out where you stand.  In order to lose weight you have to burn more calories than you ingest.  Pretty simple idea of calories in/calories out.  If you want to lose 2 pounds a week, you should take in 1,000 less calories than you burn.  The crazy thing is, it works!  Pam and I have each lost 35 pounds since November 17th!!  We have stepped up our activity and let me tell you, I have been feeling great!  Even though I have a little difficulty with crowds, I have even gone shopping the past seven weeks without the use of the mechanized cart.  I feel the awakening of my spirit.  Finding my old self.  Actually feeling joy, even when there is adversity.  That is my mind changing.  

Another mind change is we are both enrolled in college now.  I am taking the long-distance learning courses (because I still have the anxiety issue).  Pam is going to the campus.  She is giving up her second job and we both got student loans (yikes).  It was necessary to take out the loans because we both could not see Pam working 2 jobs and taking 3 classes.  So it is psychology for me and mechtronics for Pam.  Yay us!!

Til next time ....